


The fight that ended it all

by CatsandDeath (CatandDeath)



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Depression, M/M, Moreid, Suicide Attempt, relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-19
Updated: 2014-04-04
Packaged: 2018-01-16 03:48:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1330807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatandDeath/pseuds/CatsandDeath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Morgan and Reid have a huge fight, after they've been dating for a few weeks. After Reid crosses the line in one of their fights, Morgan leaves, to cool off, and ends up cheating on Reid. Tw; suicide attempt, sadness, depression, pills.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Reid sighed, and stared at Morgan's door. He was still gathering the courage to knock on it, after their huge fight. He was edgy, but that didn't make anything he had said ok.  
“You know what, Reid? I don't think you even care anymore.” Morgan yelled, clenching his fists. “Well you know what?” The young genius screamed back. “I don't think I ever did. This whole thing seems to be one huge mistake after another.” Morgan stared at him, hurt. “Glad to know you felt this way.” He muttered, and grabbed his bag.  
“Morgan.” Reid called out, but it was too late. Morgan had already left, slamming the door behind him.  
Reid gulped. It was his fault the whole fight had started. He was the one who made a huge deal about not telling anyone about their relationship. They'd only been going out for a few weeks, and statistically, 68% of all couples who have a fight within their first couple of weeks end up breaking up. Morgan and Reid already had 3.  
“Morgan?” Reid called out. “you here?””Yeah, pretty boy.” Morgan answered, using his nickname for Reid, one that Reid secretly loved. “In the kitchen.” Reid followed his lover's voice, to see him sitting at his kitchen table, eating all his food. “Um...” Reid attempted to start. “You know about that thing you asked me?” Morgan stared at him. “The thing about telling everyone we're having sex?” He asked, looking at Reid.  
Reid had gone to a boutique to find Morgan his favorite flowers, and had them clutched in his hands.  
He suddenly felt the urge to just leave them at his door step, and run away. He steadied himself. He had to do this.  
“Yeah.” Reid replied.”Um..the thing is, I do not think we should do that.” He said, reverting to his formal, stiff talk, as he did when he was nervous, or guilty. “Why not?” Morgan asked, deeply hurt. He loved the young genius, and he thought Spencer had loved his back. Was this all a lie? “Statistically, 68% of all--.” Reid began, trying to explain, but Morgan interrupted him. “Are we just another pair of statistics?” He interjected. Reid found himself getting angry. “Are you really going to go down this road?” He growled. His statistics had been one of the only things that comforted him during his childhood. '89% of all children have been bullied.' He'd think, when another jock would knock his books down. '45% of all parents aren't good guardians of their children.' He'd whisper at night, when he went to bed hungry, because his mother was having one of her episodes. '77% of all children grow up with a single parent.' He wasn't alone. He wasn't that different. He had others like him!  
Maybe it wasn't all his fault. 'I mean, all fights are never one-sided.' He thought. 'If Morgan had respected his wishes...no. Morgan was human. He had a right to be mad too, right?  
Morgan glared at him. “What am I supposed to think?” He uttered, his mind going wild with thoughts. “I thought I was special to you. I thought we had something unique, not just everything based off statistics!” “You know what, Morgan?” Reid started yelling. “I thought YOU were a person who could respect my feelings.” “What about mine?” Morgan yelled right back. “I want everyone to know we're a couple. Or are you just ashamed of me?” Reid glared at him, feeling his eyes watering. “Are you serious? You think I'm ashamed of you? Because I won't accede to one of your demands? You can't control everything I do!” “I don't want to control you!” Morgan shouted. “I want everyone to know we're dating. Is that too much?” “I care about you. What's the difference if I want everyone to know my personal life, or not?” Reid yelled back, exasperated. What a stupid fight!  
Reid closed his eyes, and tried to take a breath. The two of them, after he had exploded, had said disgusting things to each other, and it ended with him saying a terrible terrible thing, much worse than what Morgan had been yelling at Reid. Reid had crossed the line. He needed to apologize.  
He knocked on the door, and moved out of sight. He knew Morgan wouldn't open the door if he was standing there. He let the flowers take up the spot where the looker inside the apartment would see them, and waited for the door to open. And open it did.  
He opened the door to see not Morgan, but Grant Anderson. “Yeah?” He asked, looking behind him. Reid felt his heart fall into his stomach. He was wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. He shouldn't have any assumptions, he tried to tell himself, but then he heard Morgan call out “Who is it, baby?” Reid felt his world stop. Morgan came out of the bathroom, to see Reid and Anderson staring at each other.  
“Reid.” He tried to say, but Spencer found he couldn't breath, or see. The tears were coming out so fast. He threw the flowers at Morgan, and turned on his heel. “Enjoy them, you bastard.” He snarled, and ran. Morgan tried to go after him, but Reid was already gone, running down the stairs. He entered his car, and drove, after clearing his eyes. 'How could he?' Was all Reid could think. 'After everything.' They both had their demons, but they were always there to help each other. Even before they had started being lovers.  
Reid parked his car, and entered his apartment. He bit his lip, and just started to cry, silently, like he did all the time when he was just a child. He stared bleakly at the wall, tears coming down his face. Did he really care about anything anymore? He thought about it for a while, and found that he didn't. His work was fascinating, and so was everything else, but there really was nothing in his world, without Morgan. Morgan made everything more exciting, and fun. The chances of falling in love, twice, as intensely as he did before, he calculated, were almost 9%. He took out his phone, and called the psychiatric ward where his mother was staying.  
“Hello?” An assistant asked. “Hello.” Reid said, steadying his voice. “May I speak to Mrs. Reid. She's staying in room 319. This is her son, and its an emergency. “Yes, of course.” The assistant said, and transferred him to her room. “Spencer?” His mother's voice asked. “What's wrong. “Nothing, mom.” Spencer said softly. “I just wanted to hear your voice. And to tell you I was so proud to be your son. Thank you for being strong for me, before, when I was growing up.” “Spencer, what's wrong?” His mother asked. “You never just call me.” “I have to go, mom.” Spencer said, worried he'd start sobbing if he didn't put the phone down. “I love you. Please forgive me” He said, the last part almost as a whisper. And he hung up the phone up.  
He felt sick, but he had often thought about how he wanted to die. He knew he wanted to do it on his own terms. Spencer didn't want to go because of some crazy unsub. He took a settling breath, and went into the bathroom. He took out all the pills, and counted 20 of them. That was more than enough for an overdose. He picked up his phone, to call his co-workers, and boss. He couldn't go without hearing their voices. He dialed Hotch first, and waited for him to pick up. “Reid.” Hotch's voice rang out. “What is it?” 'Its either caller ID or he's a physic.' thought Reid. “Thank you for everything, Hotch.” He said, and hung up. He only had a few more to go. He called Rossi, and waited for him to pick up. “Spencer. “ Rossi said. “What's up?” 'They're both somehow involved.' Thought Reid, smiling slightly, before turning serious again. “Thank you for being there for me, Rossi.” He said. “Thank the rest of the team for me.” “What's goi---.” Rossi said, before Spencer hung up on him. Spencer wanted to call his team, but there really wasn't there to say, and it was only a matter of time before Rossi or Hotch, or even his mother got suspicious, and checked up on him, or in his mother's case, got someone to check up on him.  
Reid only had time for one more phone call. Spencer picked up his phone, and dialed his number 3 on speed dial; Garcia. “Garcia.” She announced. “Hey, Garcia, it's Reid” He replied. “Hey, pretty boy.” She said, happily. Reid didn't know how to answer, without crying. “I'm so sorry.” He blurted out, and cursed himself. She's going to notice something. Shoot. “For what, baby genius?” She asked, sounding concerned. Reid bit his lip. “Everything.” He answered honestly.  
“Spencer. Spencer, what's--.” She started, before Spencer cut her off. “Please don't be mad at me.” He said softly, but Garcia heard. And then he hung up. He opened the pill bottle, and shoved them into his hand. He didn't need water to swallow them. He took them, one at a time, choking them down. He had 18 of the sleeping pills down, before he started feeling dizzy. He smiled, calm all of a sudden. He choked the last two down, and lay back on his bed. He'd be gone soon. He was finally getting away from this cruel world which had pushed him down, and screwed him over and over again.  
Spencer was peaceful, in a almost coma state of mind. He didn't hear the front door open with a crash. He didn't hear anyone screaming out his name, in vain. He didn't hear the yells of whoever discovered him. He didn't hear the sirens off in the distance, nor the sobs of someone, right next to him. He didn't feel anything when the person cradled his head, in their lap. He didn't see the panicked voices, or people. He was drifting away, slowly. And soon, it seemed, he was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

He was floating. He was there, but he wasn't there. He was in the middle of nowhere. Nothing made sense. Where was he? Spencer shuddered, and coughed. His eyes fluttered for a moment, opening and closing rapidly, before, he closed them. And then opened them quickly. 'Morgan.' He thought. The memories from the past day came back to him, and he shuddered, feeling tears come back to his eyes.   
Morgan had cheated on him. He had felt a lot of pressure, but it was the love of his life. Before Morgan had asked him out, Reid had dreamed every day of his life, for two years, about the two of them being together. He thought of everything about Morgan. He knew where every birth mark was on Morgan, he knew his eye color, his jaw line, his face, his abs.   
Oh, he had loved that man. His mother had even approved, which she had almost never done. He had brought home a man before, whom she rejected, without even looking at him. The two of them had eventually broke up, and a year later, the man was jailed for domestic assault.   
He had brought his girlfriends home too. They had been rejected too. Only Morgan had been able to withstand his mother's judgment. That might have not meant much, considering her mental illness, but it was obvious he was special. He must have been special, right. Spencer thought about it, and came up with the conclusion that Derek Morgan was in fact special. He had been the only one who had managed to break Spencer. After all the bullies, his mother, his anxiety, his depression, he had finally been broke. By the one who he had loved most.  
'That's kind of funny.' He thought. 'What we love most ends up the thing hurting us the most.' He blinked away his tears, and looked around. He was in some sort of hospital, with white everywhere. He was plugged into a heart monitor, and had a needle in his arm. Spenser tried not to wince. He hated needles.   
They were a secret small phobia of his. Spenser noticed that before him, in the visitor chairs were two people who seemed to be sleeping. Hotch, and Rossi. He tried not to smile, but then his smile faded. What would they think of him? They'd probably want his resignation, for being too weak to cope. He deserved it, he supposed. If he can't face pressure off the cases, how could he be expected to handle them on cases?  
Spencer tried to relax. He was always so stressed out, and he just couldn't care anymore. He found he was numb, and slowly began to relax. Life's so much better without any feelings. He breathed in, and out, slowly, and steadily, getting himself out of a panic attack. He hadn't had one in years, and certainly didn't want one right now. Not when he was in this state. Spenser kept his breathing slow and steady, making sure he wouldn't slip into a panic. After a few minutes, he began to fall asleep again, with nothing on his mind, except 'I wish I had died.'   
An hour later, Spencer slowly woke up again. He came out of his stupor slowly, blinking a couple of times. He looked around, to see Hotch staring intensely at him. Rossi was still sleeping, snoring softly, in his chair. Spencer bit his lip, and whispered “Hi, Hotch.” Hotch still stared at Reid, before getting up, and hugging him, tightly. “Don't you ever do that again, you here me?” He got out, his voice cracking, and tears in his eyes. “Ever.” Spencer felt himself tearing up. Hotch was usually the one who never showed any emotion. “Yeah, I won't.” Spencer said, softly.   
Hotch let go of him, and brushed Spencer's long hair from his eyes. “No matter what, Spencer.” He said, softly. “Never ever again.” He turned around to wake up Rossi, while Spencer looked down.. He felt so guilty. How could he do that to Hotch? Still. He did want to die. He was always selfish, so why stop now?   
Rossi let out a small “Hmm.” When Hotch shook him awake, softly. He blinked, before jumping to his feet. “Spencer?!” he half exclaimed, half yelled. Hotch stepped aside, to let Rossi run to Reid. Hotch ran up, to Spencer, hugging him so tightly, that Spencer let out a gasp, trying to breath. “Kiddo, never do that, ever again, or I'll kick your ass.” Rossi said, hugging Spencer. “Got it?” “Yes, sir.” Spencer said, smiling slightly. Hotch let go of him, but held onto his shoulders.  
“I've never been so scared in my life.” He admitted. “So never again?” Rossi said.”Yeah.” Spencer said, lying through his teeth. “Never again.” Rossi nodded, and started telling Spencer about what he'd have to do to keep his job. Simple things, like go to therapy, see a psychiatrist, get all his forms filled out, ect. But he told Reid he had to be healthy first. No faking this process.  
Spencer agreed, smiling the whole time. Soon, Hotch and Rossi left, reluctantly, hugging Spencer good bye. They had to get back to their jobs, as there was another serial killer out on the loose. They went outside, and the rest of the team came inside, with only a few minutes to spare. Well, most of them. One special man was missing. Spencer shoved him out of his mind, and focused on Garcia, JJ, and Emily, all fussing over him.   
He smiled, and pulled the same BS faces, and replies He smiled when appropriate, feeling really sad inside. He was surrounded by so many beautiful caring people. So why couldn't he feel happy? He knew people would miss him, but he wasn't sure why he still felt like going a top the roof, and jumping.   
After everyone had left, he got a phone call, to the hospital's phone. He picked it up, and heard his mother's voice. “Spencer.” She said, softly. “Hi, mother.” Spencer said. The line was silent for a moment, before she replied. “How've you been, my dear?” She asked, her tone causal, but Spencer knew she only called him my dear when she was upset or sad.   
“I'm good, mom.” Spencer lied, hoping his mother wouldn't notice. “Don't lie to your mother.” She snapped back. “Spencer, I was so worried.” Spencer held the phone, and listened to his mother's voice. “I have nothing left, mother.” he said back, his tone soft. “There's nothing left for me to offer.” Spencer's mother was quiet for a while, and Spencer was sure she had hung up, before she spoke, quietly. “You have too much potential, Spencer. It's a curse, honey. You're too smart, too great. You'll go so far in this world, you could have, but you chose to help people. “ She went quiet for a second, before continuing. “Mother's are supposed to go before their children. So don't you dare leave. I love you, Spencer. I have to go, but I love you, my dear.”   
“I love you too, Mother.” Spencer said, biting his lip. He really had to do that. He heard the click of the telephone as his mother hung up, and he put the phone back. He was still waiting to get discharged, and all he wanted to do was go home. There was really nothing else to do, except go back to sleep. Spencer made himself as comfortable as he could, and tried to relax.  
But every time he closed his eyes, he saw Morgan. He couldn't forget him. Everything about his lover, or ex-lover he supposed now, made him feel alive, and he still loved him, no matter what.   
Yes, his cheating had killed him, or nearly killed Spencer. And he knew it was stupid. He shouldn't still love Morgan. He should have been over him. But statistically, crushes only lasted 4 months. Spencer's crush had lasted 2 years. So, theoretically, he was, in fact, in love. No doubt about it.   
He didn't really know what to do. He wanted so many things, but at the same time, he had no idea what he wanted. He was lost, and for once, there were no books to tell him what to do. No statistics came to mind, except 5% of all suicide attempts occur right after a break up of a long term relationship. He was basically alone in this world, with only a few people understanding what he was really going through.   
Spencer sighed. He wanted to sleep...no, he needed to sleep. Otherwise, he'd have another break down, or just cry. He didn't know what to do anymore. He just wanted to sleep. He closed his eyes, and felt himself drifting away, his mind relaxing, for once in a very long time, and he let himself drift off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I let him live. Sorry to those who wanted his death...I wrote a Harry Potter fic with him dying, and it got hard to write. Thank you for all the kudos, and comments!!^^ They're all helpful, and encourage me to work faster!^^   
> I started the next chapter, and I'll be updating every week or two :3   
> Leave any helpful suggestions, and I'll try and incorporate them into my story!^^


	3. Chapter 3

Spencer found himself in his old apartment again. Not the one he was living in at that moment. No, it was the one he had lived in as a child, after his father had left, with him mother. They had to move, to be able to afford rent. The house was just too expensive, and his father didn't bother sending them any money anymore.   
He was sitting there, in the closet. All he heard were screams. His mother was having another episode. This one seemed to be one of her really bad ones. It got really bad once in a while, and he had to get away.

Usually, his mother was careful enough not to hurt him, but sometimes it got bad, and she would think he was the devil, or something bad she imagined, and she attempted to make him disappear. She didn't do it purposely, but she often hurt him, enough to leave bruises. 

Afterward, when she was sane enough, she would apologize, and Spencer would grit it out. He had no other choice. He had to be strong for the two of them. But this episode of hers seemed bad. Even through his hands covering his ears, he still heard her screaming “WHERE ARE YOU, DEVIL CHILD?” 

Spencer sat there, terrified out of his mind. She only used that term once or twice, and it was during one of her most serious, and painful, at least for him, episodes. Spencer tried to make himself smaller, but the closet door opened, with a bang, and his mother peered inside. She held a broom, and pointed it at him. “Found you, demon child.” She growled, and swung the broom at him.

Morgan whimpered, and took the blow, with little resistance. 'It wasn't his mother's fault.' He reminded himself. 'His mother didn't know better.' He took every strike she threw at him, with a “Die, demon child.” or “Die.” 

He began to thrash out, and a “Morgan, help me.” escaped his lips. She beat him again, and again, and his cries became louder and louder. He had no idea why it was Morgan's name that came out of his mouth. Not after everything. But he needed him right now. He needed someone to help him, to save him. 

Spencer found someone shaking him, to wake up, and opened his eyes wide, gasping for air. His eyes met dark bright eyes. The silence that followed was so tense, and uncomfortable, that you could take a knife, and cut through it. .The two men stared at each other, both of their eyes shining brightly in the dim room.

Finally, Morgan spoke. He licked his lips, nervously, and softly said “You alright, pretty boy?” Reid just looked at him. Hearing his nickname spoken from the man who betrayed him was too emotional for him. He tried to blink back the tears, but he just couldn't. 

“Reid?” Morgan asked, with alarm. He had expected something from Reid, but he hadn't expected this. “What's wrong...Spence?” He asked, with hesitance. He wasn't sure how to address an emotional Spencer, let alone an emotional Spencer who probably hated him. 

Spencer looked away. He wasn't going to talk to Morgan. The tears still rolled down his face, no matter how much he tried to stop them. 

“Am I really that unattractive to you?” He asked, after a while. Morgan started, expecting Spencer to ignore him, and thus, not expecting only silence. “No, pretty boy. You're more than amazing.” He answered, honestly. 

“Then why?” Reid asked, looking at Morgan with tear-filled eyes. “Was it something I did? Or is it because you got tired of me? What was it?” 

“I got drunk.” Morgan said, sounding guilty. “I love you Spencer.” “No, you don't.” Spencer whispered. “Did you happen to forget about my memory? You called him baby. You called me that once, when you were so happy. You called him that. There is no love between us.”

Morgan looked imploringly at Spencer. “It wasn't out of love, pretty boy.” He replied, almost begging Spencer to believe him. “I didn't want things to get awkward between us, and I didn't want to call him just by his name. I don't know why, alright?” 

Spencer smiled, through his tears. “I do.” He said softly. “You love him. Not me.” He ignored Morgans sputters, and rolled over, onto his side. “If you don't mind, I want some sleep. Please leave.” He said, in a cool, emotionless voice, and stared at the wall, waiting for Morgan to leave. 

He heard the chair creak, and footsteps, and the door open, then shut. He waited til he heard the footsteps of Morgan recede, before starting to sob, softly, but hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the spacing a little, so it's a little easier to read ^ ^   
> Please review, and help lead my story somewhere c:   
> I'm going to try to update in two weeks, because I have track~!!!  
> I'm gonna make this story at least 5 chapters, so yeah, it's still being written ^^

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys ^^  
> So this is my first story, please don't be too harsh i know it sucks ;;  
> Should i end this, and let my baby die, or have him survive the attempt?  
> Please review, with ideas, because it helps, a lot!!  
> Thank you!!


End file.
